1. A Virgin Blogger Introduction

  He awakes just after the sun, stumbles to the kitchen, slams two double espressos, opens the morning paper and fights the temptation to jump the Skyway.

  Editors note: For the Gentle Readers out there not familiar with St. Petersburg Florida and the Tampa Bay region, the Skyway Bridge is the iconic symbol of the area. It stretches 4.1 miles across Tampa Bay, connecting Pinellas and Manatee counties. It is not only a thing of beauty, it is also the premier location to "shuffle off this mortal coil" if your preferred method is leaping from tall things. There are a lot of advantages with choosing the Skyway from which to jump. Easy access for one. You can drive right up and park your car on top. Easy to get to the side, and when you jump, there is nothing to obstruct your 9.8 meter per second squared descent (the rate at which falling objects fall). No nets, no obstructions, just 431 feet of absolutely breathtaking panoramic scenery on your way down. Plus, if you are civic minded and don't like to make a mess, unlike jumping in an urban environment (off of the Empire State building for instance), there is absolutely no danger of injuring anyone or anything beneath you, except in the nearly impossible circumstance of a pod of dolphins passing directly underneath.

  The degree to which he is compelled to jump can be affected by the amount of idiocy encountered, and in what order read. Section "A" is national and world news, Section "B", local and State, Section "C" sports, and then there are assorted other sections dealing with lifestyles, the arts, and pregnant celebrities. It's hard to know on any given day which section will be more aggravating.

  For years he has gone through this ritual and vented to almost anyone who would listen. Then came Facebook, giving him the opportunity to argue ad nauseam with pinheads (apologies to any pinhead readers...you know who you are). Then, one day, he got an idea. Driven by a massive ego, deranged enough to think that people want to read this kind of drivel, and buoyed by the invention of what we used to quaintly call "The World Wide Web", he said "Hey, I'll write a blog!" (dramatic pause inserted here to allow you time to wave a little pennant and cry "weeeee" like the pig in the Geico commercials).



And now you, Gentle Reader, are blessed with the opportunity to share these rants and raves. "How could I be so lucky" you say. Or you may be saying "If I have a heart attack right now I won't have to read the end of it", and still others are saying "I picked the wrong day to give up lobotomies".

So a blog it shall be. A little ranting, a little raving, anarchy and flag-waving.
Boils will be Lanced.
Stay tuned.